it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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