She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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