did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
