you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
