Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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