can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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