You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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