I look better un-naked...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
