If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
