so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
