Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
