took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
