but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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