dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
