you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
