I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
