everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
