What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
