your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
