is your mom at the bar?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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