I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
