UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Even my vagina gasped.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
