so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
