seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
