My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
