I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
