Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
