I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she looked like the before picture.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
