What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
