His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
