I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
