shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
