I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
