i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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