You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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