"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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