Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
