i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
