Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
