This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
