my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
