I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You pole danced in your parka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
