I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
