Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
