he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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