I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
