i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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