I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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