Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
vagina is talking i cant
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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