If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
