I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
