woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
