I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
