You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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