You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
These tits shall not be calmed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
