i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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