I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
