i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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