ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
