Welp...herpes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
