he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
