The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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