I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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