We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
