Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize