I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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