He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
