It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
