New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
