If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
